So many of you have been sweetly asking how we're doing, so I thought I'd post something here. It's hard to answer that question...how we're doing. It really depends on the moment you ask. There have been parts of days that we feel pretty good and feel like we have hope...and can see the positive things in all this. Times that we can look at pictures of Mya and smile, feeling so blessed and overjoyed by being her parents, even though we had such a short time with her. But there are still many moments that I can't get my mind off of everything I wish I could be doing with Mya right now. I wish I could just kiss her and smell her and hold her forever. Take walks with her in the stroller. Be up late at night feeding her. Listen to the funny sounds she makes and watch her try to smile. Buy cute little outfits for her. Cuddle her up and take her outside. Sometimes this sadness turns into frustration and anger that we can't have this, but what are we going to do about it? Nothing will bring her back. That's the hardest part. We were so ready to be parents (as ready as we could be, of course).
This week Dan will start his 5th and last week of work for the Weed Man, aerating lawns. It's been really getting him in shape. He wore a step-counter one day and it said he took 28,000 steps that day (not counting the walking he did after work!). I think the normal amount you're encouraged to walk per day is 10,000 steps.
I've been keeping busy here with my mom. Last week we organized and painted the loft and hallway upstairs. That was a fun project that helped give me some motivation. I've seemed to keep my days pretty busy...visiting people and doing little projects. I decided I'm going to make a scrapbook of Mya. At first it was something I didn't think I wanted to do, but now I've realized it will be good for me, and it will be something to help our future kids know who Mya was. I think it will be a hard project but maybe it will help the healing process. If any of you have any great ideas of what to add in the book...let me know. I plan to include pictures of my pregnancy, ultrasound pictures, baby shower pictures, etc...
We're still waiting to find out what God is going to take us from here. Dan would like to be a youth pastor so he's pursuing that and we're waiting for direction. This is a bit frustrating waiting and waiting, since we've technically been waiting since the end of July, but we're trusting that God knows what's best and His timing is perfect. He's never let us down before. And we've realized that He's never EARLY in letting us know, but never late either.
While we have this in-between time, we're planning to take a trip out West to see a bunch of friends. We're looking forward to that time together...another part of our healing process.
Thank you all for your love and concern and prayer! I don't know how we'd do this without the support we've received. Thank you for being the Body.
Here are some misc pictures from the last few weeks.
If you look closely you can see a bunch of Monarch butterflies in the branch. There were thousands of them in this park in Goderich. They were here for about a week.
These are all Monarchs.
Kassy & I when she was here for Mya's funeral
We got the priveledge to go sailing with my cousin and her husband in Toronto a couple weeks ago...it was great.
Dan getting his tattoo. It's Mya's handprint with her name, birthdate and the infinity symbol around it.